hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
Randomize