I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
Hippo gnu deer
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
Randomize