I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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