Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize
