So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
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