this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize