I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
Randomize
