I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
