Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
Enjoy the penises
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
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