thus making me awesome and them whores
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
