You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
Randomize
