if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
We left the knife in your bed.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
I don't want my vagina anymore.
Randomize
