He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
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