so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
Boobs speak an international language.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
