why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
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