bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
