Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
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