just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
