he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
