She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
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