Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
