they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
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