If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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