apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
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