Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
Randomize
