I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
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