the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
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