three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Randomize