I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Randomize
