We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
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