I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
i will never coherently bang her
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
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