you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
Reggie can tackle my bush.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
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