please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Randomize
