someone threw a dead crab at me
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
True college students do jello shots in the library
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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