I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Randomize
