i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
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