just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
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