We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
