i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Randomize
