my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
