I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
No stitches, just platelets and will power
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize