I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
