At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Randomize
