Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
