new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
Randomize