She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
