Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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