I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
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