my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
It was like giving head to a cactus.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
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