i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Randomize