how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
Holy shit dude........stairs
Randomize
