YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Randomize
