I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
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