Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
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