Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
