yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
Randomize
