so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
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