just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
My vagina just recognized that song.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
Randomize
