Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
Randomize
