there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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