I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Randomize
