I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Randomize
