just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
Randomize
