I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
Randomize
