Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
Drunk is not a location!
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
