I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
vagina is talking i cant
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Randomize
