it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
Randomize
