mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
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