like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
Randomize
