Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
Randomize
