Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Randomize
