Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
Randomize
