everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
Randomize
