Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
