So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Randomize
