A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
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