Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Randomize
