my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
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