Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
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