I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
operation have a gay friend backfired
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
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