it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
Randomize
