you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
Randomize
