Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
