i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize
