Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
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