i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
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