Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
Randomize
