fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
